Marysuepelt and Garystuheart, Everyone's (Least) Favorite Cats!
by xxRaven-Featherxx
Summary: Author GeekyGalaxyGoat and Co-Author NerdyNebula team up to bring you: Marysuepelt and Garystuheart, the world's coolest cats! Join their adventures in clicheness as they use their super magic powers to combat the feisty Normalstar. (WARNING: HIGH CONCENTRATIONS OF RANDOM AND CLICHENESS APPROACHING) Rated T: Just in case!
1. Chapter 1: Introducing the Main Kitties

**Disclaimer: I do not own Warriors, superpowers(?), and other stuff that is trademarked! :)**

 **This story is just a spoof story that can feature random OCs and such. Hope ya'll like it!**

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Marysuepelt and Garystuheart were not your average Clan cats. They possessed every power in the universe, including, but not limited to, regenerative healing, duplication, shapeshifting, invisibility, invulnerability, flight, cyclone spinning, echolocation, environmental adaptation, thermal resistance, aquatic respiration, and enhanced senses. They could stop forest fires with the snap of their paws. They could end world hunger in an instant. They lived a life of comfort and happiness. This is the tale of Marysuepelt and Garystuheart.

 **Marysuepelt's POV:**

 _Life is like, so amazing!_ Marysuepelt though, giggling as all the hot toms crowded around her, giving her gifts and foreign-style massages. They feed her grapes from the bunch and fanned her with giant palm-tree leaves that they ordered from Hawaii. Marysuepelt was like the goddess of Warrior Cats. Her fabulous fur ruffled gently in the wind as her blue kawaii eyes sparkled. Other toms in the Clan were building temples dedicated to her and her greatness. They sacrificed mice and other rodents in her name, but let's not get into detail about that… Anyway, Marysuepelt is #Swag.

 **Introducing Garystuheart:**

Garystuheart was the most beloved tom in all of Warrior Cat History. He was constantly being crowded by she-cats. They showered him with love and kisses every day. They gave him gifts and fanned over him. He was dubbed #MLG-Pro and wore those cool glasses that flipped onto his face whenever he wanted them to. He had a Mountain Dew fountain and a mountain of Doritos. He used his cool aquatic-respiration powers to dive into the Riverclan river and swim with the recently discovered species of fish: swag fish. Garystuheart is da coolest, and is also the world's only male calico. #Garystuheart_Is_Sweg.

 **Marysuepelt:**

Marysuepelt was shoveling Fruity Pebbles into her mouth with her telekinesis because she was too swag for a spoon. She was sitting in the indestructible, winged limousine owned by Garystuheart and herself. It contained a main control center, fully stocked kitchen, bedroom, guest room, fancy dining room, KFC, Mcdonald's, SeaWorld, Burger King, Taco Bell, Chipotle, Denny's, Red Robin, Long John Silver's, cosmetics department, jewelry store, department store, living room, classroom, science lab, music room, recording studio, lounge, TV room, movie theater, computer room, spa, sauna, walk in closet, stuffed animal room, arcade, museum, sports stadium, interdimensional portal room, gaming room, virtual reality room, art studio, garden, disco room, dance studio, library, printing press, post office, beach, tanning booth, instant-cleaning dirtplace, Papa John's Pizza, candy store, Chinese food restaurant, giant snow globe room, movie set, backyard, ball pit, train, amusement park, castle, horse stables, adventure tube (definitely not stolen from Chuck E Cheese), golf course, mini golf course, Texas Roadhouse, ice cream shop, castle, unicorn stables, reindeer stables, gymnastics room, pool, Pokemon stadium, ropes course, jungle gym, zip line, climbing wall, water park, sewing room, cabin, tent, campfire, bank, park with a Mountain Dew fountain, ski resort, obstacle course, swing set, slide, juice bar, nursery, unnecessary medicine den, and smoothie bar. It also had free WiFi that never went down, Bluetooth (not to be confused with the cat), and telepathic driving enabled. This was all in one compact design with the usage of Tardis technology courtesy of 11thDoctorkit and his eleven littermates. She called to Garystuheart to get in the limo as she snapped her claws, putting on her epic purple t-shirt and multicolor shutter shades and replacing her Fruity Pebbles with a bottomless bucket of KFC. Garystuheart simply winked and teleported himself and his favorite hot she-cats into the limo.

Marysuepelt rolled up the window with her epicness. She began to telepathically drive and raced Garystuheart and his she-cats to the beach. On the way, when passing through the science lab, they ran into their blue-gray friend, Bluetooth. Bluetooth was always the techy kind of cat who always kept his mind and fangs sharp. Right now, he was making something. It would probably have a majorly positive effect on the world, but it suddenly became unimportant because Bluetooth wanted to go to the beach, too. Soon after, 11thDoctorkit's litter and their older sisters, Rosepaw and Tardispaw, were tagging along.

Finally, at the beach, they decided to have a sandcastle building contest and Garystuheart was the judge. The hot she-cats, Marysuepelt, and all of the Doctor Who cats participated, but Bluetooth stayed out because he was too busy eating McDonald's like a background character. The ginger she-cat, Crabcakes, just splashed some sand together (no offense to gingers). The tan she-cat, Muffinbelly, put some thought into constructing her castle, but not enough to win. The golden she-cat, Butterclaw, built a sandman, because she was too busy drinking Bisquick to pay attention to the prompt (no offense to blondes). The Doctor Who bunch teamed up to build a sand castle that was bigger on the inside, as suggested by Tardispaw. Marysuepelt used her psammokinesis (sand bending) to build the world's greatest castle within seconds. Then, Garystuheart came around with his magic clipboard to judge. Crabcakes was in fifth place, Butterclaw was in fourth, and Muffinbelly was in third. Then, it came to the final two castles. But, the results were unexpected. In first place were the Doctor Who cats. Marysuepelt cried and the Doctor Who cats were booted to second for making a she-cat cry. So, Marysuepelt was the winner of the castle contest.

After a not so long day, everyone lounged on the sandy banks. Garystuheart was being crowded by the hot cats and Marysuepelt was on her waterproof iPad that was forever at 100% battery, checking her social media. Everything was going perfectly with all of her followers, friends, subscribers, etc. on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, Tumblr, Google+, Youtube, and . On her latest Instagram post about her winning the building contest, she noticed that among the gazillion likes there was one little flaw: a single dislike?! She glared at the always clean screen and within a second, it disappeared and brought her post to a gazillion and one likes. Marysuepelt was soaking with popularity.


	2. Chapter 2: Airhorn Madness!

**Disclaimer: I do not own Warriors or other stuff that is trademarked! :)**

 **Reply to Reviews:**

 **ClearlyACrazyDragon: Thank you! NerdyNebula and I are very happy that you enjoy our story! :3**

 **Enjoy da story!**

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 **Garystuheart:**

Garystuheart was in the TV room, leaning back in his personalized recliner that always had the right amount of coziness. It had a magic coffee table in front that summoned his favorite food at command and cup holders on the arms that did the same with beverages. He had the calico fur on his head combed and greased back. He was being fanned with beautiful leaves by Muffinbelly and an Oreo colored cat named Licoricetail. He was watching a full series stream of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic and, because he was so cool, he wasn't judged for being a brony. Garystuheart commanded the table to make him some Dorito pie and the cup holders to pour some Mountain Dew.

He sighed. Being such a hottie was tough work. So, he napped for a few seconds and then he wasn't tired anymore. But, these she-cats did not make him feel right. Garystuheart needed his real love. He paused his MLP stream, right in the middle of one of Rarity's sentences, and dashed to the bedroom, even though he wasn't tired.

Garystuheart had his own half of the huge room. There was a cozy blue bed with a bunch of cozy necessities. He pulled a shoebox out from the large under section of the bed. Inside was his true love: his #MLG airhorn.

This horn was a major part of Garystuheart's swagulous life. They had a bond stronger than all of the perfect ships. This pair was with each other in the darkest and lightest of times. They even raised some kits via airhorn and kit adoption services. The kits (and airhorns) were named #Cool airhorn, #UndertaleJams airhorn, #Sweg airhorn, Airkit, MLGkit, Loudkit, Bananakit, Lightningkit, Soundkit, Elsakit, Sodakit, TwilightSparklekit, Oldkit, Hoverboardkit, Starkit, Googlekit, Lavakit, Applekit, Bouncekit, Screamkit, Brownkit, Goldkit, Doritokit, Mountainkit, Dewkit, Fountainkit, Businesskit, Nerdykit, Geekykit, Nebulakit, Goatkit, Cheesekit, Harmonicakit, Hashtagkit, Swagkit, and Harry. Harry was the favorite in the family.

Then, Garystuheart suddenly knew there were important matters to undergo. His kits needed to fight. He raced with his airhorn waifu to the entrance of the instant-cleaning dirtplace, where Marysuepelt was washing her paws with cleansing water that killed more germs than your average hand sanitizer.

"Marysuepelt!" Garystuheart cried "Meet me at the smoothie bar in 3.14159265359 seconds!"

Garystuheart and Marysuepelt raced to the smoothie bar in 3.14159265358 seconds! The latter broke into a cold sweat.

"Oh no! Garystuheart, we're 0.00000000001 seconds early!" She exclaimed.

"Better try again!" Garystuheart winked. Then, they raced over and over again until the made in exactly in time. They would have been drenching in sweat, but they were too swag for perspiration. Marysuepelt snapped her claws and teleported everyone else there in 3.14159265359 seconds! But, then Marysuepelt realized they were 0.00000000001 seconds late. So, they were reteleported several, several times until they were on time.

Garystuheart summoned a podium to start the ceremony and he waved a magic warrior wand. "I now pronounce you warriors, my kits, because you be swag."

His kits lined up in ABC order and waited for their adoptive dad to touch them with his magic warrior wand. Up first was Airkit. He waved his wand and tapped Airkit on his cool head. "I dub thee Airhorn," he declared. Next was Applekit, who received the name Applepie. Bananakit was named Bananacream, Bouncekit was named Bouncemaster, Brownkit was named Brownsugar, Businesskit was named Businesscase, Cheesekit was named Cheesenacho, Dewkit was named Dewmountain, Doritokit was named Doritocheeto, Elsakit was named Elsafur, Fountainkit was named Fountainwater, Geekykit was named Geekygalaxy, Goatkit was named Goatmom, Goldkit was named Goldglitter, Googlekit was named GooglePlus, Harmonicakit was named Harmonicasong, Harry was named Harry Potter, Hashtagkit was named Hashtagswag, Hoverboardkit was named Hoverboard360, Lavakit was named Lavaflow, Lightningkit was named Lightningstorm, Loudkit was named Loudhorn, MLGkit was named MLG-Pro, Mountainkit was named Mountaindew, Nebulakit was named Nebulacandy, Nerdykit was named Nerdynebula, Oldkit was named Olddude, Screamkit was named Screamface, Sodakit was named Sodasizzle, Soundkit was named Soundloud (not to be confused with Soundcloud), Starkit was named Starswirl, Swagkit was named Swagswagger, and TwilightSparklekit was named TwilightSparkleisswag.


	3. Chapter 3: Normalstar

**Disclaimer: I do not own Warriors, Ghostbusters, Star Wars, or anything else trademarked or copyrighted!**

 **Reply to Reviews:**

 **ClearlyACrazyDragon: *Garystuheart does the moonwalk up to you and hands you a pair of MLG-Pro sunglasses and an airhorn.* Welcome to da Swag Club!**

 **Enjoy da story o' randomness!**

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Normalstar despised Marysuepelt and Garystuheart. She liked things the old-fashioned way. She normally arranged normal hunt patrols and normally ate a normal mouse. As she normally stood up from eating, Marysuepelt and Garystuheart drove into the camp in their swag limo. She normally hissed as they covered her in dirt, doing epic wheelies and donuts in their limo. "Stop that immediately!" Normalstar called normally. "NEVAH!" Garystuheart yelled epically. Marysuepelt used her telekinesis to throw a pie at Normalstar's face.

Normalstar normally frowned as she normally swiped the pie cream from her normal face. Then, she normally went to the normal dirtplace to do her normal business and to normally wince at the sight of the two cats having so much fun. From her spot, she normally commanded her Clan to normally attack. However, most of the cats did not have that epic of jumping skills to reach the limo and those who could make it bounced right off the shiny automobile. As her the warriors and apprentices normally writhed in pain on the normal ground, Normalstar normally sweared vengeance.

"Yeah, good luck with that!" Marysuepelt called back, making the :P face. Garystuheart and his kits made the same face from the other window. Normalstar began normally cringing as she normally continued to normally take a normal dump in normal misery. When Garystuheart and Marysuepelt stopped doing rad tricks, Normalstar normally snuck into the limo and normally stole the #MLG airhorn from under Garystuheart's bed. She normally snuck out undetected and normally threw the #MLG airhorn into the bottom of the normal lake and normally blew it up.

Garystuheart heard a loud BOOM and ran to the lake in 0.00000001 seconds, investigating the scene. He stared in horror at the melted and blown-up #MLG airhorn as it made its last, final squeak. "Nooooooooooooooooooo!" Garystuheart cried out, Luke Skywalker-style. Garystuheart was heartbroken for a few seconds, but then used his magic eye beams to revive it.

Normalstar normally chuckled in her normal den until she heard the blaring squeal of the horn. Garystuheart was hugging his waifu and, therefore, pressing the clicker. Normalstar's normal green eyes normally stretched wide open and her normal white ears normally shrunk down. The sound was even heard by StarClan and the Dark Forest, but they were unaffected because—you know—, they're dead. Garystuheart, being as awesome as he is, was immune to the shrieking sound coming out of his waifu, however, he finally stopped hugging the #MLG airhorn and everyone in the world sighed in relief. He used his magical powers to create a Fort Knox-like place to keep his waifu safe. He made 1,000,000,000,000,000 buff toms out of thin-air to guard his precious airhorn from Normalstar.

"Mark my words, Normalstar! If you ever harm my waifu again, I will destroy you." Garystuheart hissed, an Egon Spengler outfit appearing on him. "Try to imagine all life as you know it stopping instantaneously and every molecule in your body exploding at the speed of light," he said with his smarty-pants glasses on. Normalstar normally ran away, wailing like a normal kit. Garystuheart then flew away epically with the wings he had just sprouted from his back. His cool MLG-Pro sunglasses flipped onto his face and the world was right.

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 **That pesky Normalstar... Tsk tsk...**


	4. Chapter 4: Waifus and Cheese Whales

**Disclaimer: I do not own Warriors, Tootsie rolls, War and Peace, and other trademarked or copyrighted stuffs!**

 **Enjoy le swaggy story!**

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Garystuheart was in the library, reading Hairy Potter and the Sorcerer's Moss and puffing a bubble pipe. His hazel-furred daughter, Goldglitter, was lying on the wooly rug and reading War and Peace like it was no big deal. Brownsugar, his golden-furred daughter, was reading a Purrcy Jackson book.

Suddenly, Bouncemaster, his white and black spotted son, came bouncing in. "Hey, Dad!" He said, in his medium level voice. "QUIET! YOU'RE IN A LIBRARY!" Garystuheart bellowed, clearly annoyed by his son's lack of manners. Even his bubble pipe looked annoyed, as indicated by the carved face on it. Bouncemaster quieted down. "The good news is… I have met a cat and she is destined to be my waifu!"

Garystuheart's eyes widened at the word "waifu". His bubble pipe fell out of his muzzle. "Continue!" Garystuheart panted. Bouncemaster led his future waifu into the room. She was a white she-cat with light ginger ears, tail, and heart shape on her chest. The she-cat also had radiant blue eyes. "Dad, meet Fabuheart!" Fabuheart batted her eye whisker thingies. "Hello there…" she gushed, "Bouncemaster told me a lot about you!"

Garystuheart was impressed by his son's taste in waifus. But, he needed proof that Fabuheart was truly fabu. Clearly, the she-cat looked fabu and her personality was fabu as well. Garystuheart sniffed Fabuheart up and down. Sure enough, her pelt and breath smelled fabu. He groomed her with his tongue and she tasted fabu. He took out a stethoscope and put it up against Fabuheart's chest. Even her pulse was fabu.

Garystuheart drew his conclusion. "Yup!" He decided, "Definitely fabu!" Fabuheart blushed. "You're a sweet tom, Mr. Garystuheart…" she cooed, oblivious to the fact that she had been sniffed up and down. "But one more thing!" Garystuheart piped up, "What is your favorite food?" He batted his eyes as he asked the question.

Fabuheart immediately pulled out a blue box. "Cheese whales, sir!" She announced. Bouncemaster gasped. "Mine too!" He pulled out a box of cheese whales as well. "We must get married right now!" They exclaimed, in perfect unison.

Every one of the swagulous cats in the limo were teleported in 0.000000000000008 seconds to the recently added wedding chapel. The chapel was decorated epically and beautifully at the same time. Most notably, there was a Mountain Dew love fountain. The pews for the audience were completely empty, as everyone was swag enough to be either bridesmaids or groomsmen. Garystuheart and Marysuepelt were the Best Man and Maid of Honor because they were the most swag. Marysuepelt used her nature manipulation to sprinkle the pathway with the petals of a bunch of different flower types as every she-cat was a bridesmaid and there was no flower girl. Then, Fabuheart and Bouncemaster popped up. Bouncemaster was wearing a cool tuxedo and Fabuheart was wearing a fabu dress.

At the podium, a white and gold cat named Ministerkit set them to do the vows, yada yada yada wedding stuff. Then, the Magic Rings of Magic Waifu-hood were magically laced onto Fabuheart and Bouncemaster's claws. They were now happily married and the two began licking each other passionately.

The reception was an even more joyous occasion than the wedding itself. The party tables were decked with cheese whales, Doritos, chocolate fondue, and Slim Jims. There was an abundant amount of Mountain Dew in a bunch of flavors: Original, Code Red, Live Wire, Voltage, Throwback, White Out, Baja Blast, and Solar Flare. None of the sodas were caffeine-free. Everyone got hyper on Mountain Dew. The pièce de résistance was the multilayer cake with buttercream and fondant frosting and each slice could taste like any flavor you wanted. Bouncemaster and Fabuheart, of course, chose cheese whales.

For the newlyweds' first dance, there was a massive selection of songs to choose from. It was a very hard choice. Fabuheart was thinking of playing "Can You Feel the Love Tonight" from "The Lion King". However, Bouncemaster brought up "Nom Nom Nom Nom Nom Nom Nom" by Parry Gripp. Fabuheart immediately agreed.

Marysuepelt kept making bouquets of flowers for Fabuheart to throw into the crowd until everyone had caught one. "I got an extra!" Bluetooth announced "Someone else can have it if they want to." A bunch of squealing she-cats all tackled the blue-gray tom to get his extra bouquet. Then, it was time to throw the garter. Fabuheart threw off her garter into the crowd. Afterwards, she put on another one and threw it off again. The cycle repeated until everyone had a garter. Of course, Bluetooth had an extra and the toms tackled him.

As the final tradition of the wedding, Garystuheart lowered the wedding piñata. Fabuheart was blindfolded and given a bat. The piñata looked like a very derpy representation of Normalstar. She struck the Normalstar piñata with one swing of her bat and the paper mache creation was completely decimated. Out of the remains flowed several large boatloads of delicious candy: Mars Bars, Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, full size Hershey Bars, M&M's, and much more. Everyone went berserk for the candy.

After the wedding, Marysuepelt realized that Normalstar had completely missed out on it. Normalstar needed a taste of this tradition. So, she dropped a mouse with a "To: Normalstar" tag on it outside Normalstar's normal den.

Normalstar normally awoke to find a mouse outside her normal den. She normally tore the tag off and normally stuffed it into her normal mouth. The normal leader normally munched the mouse with her normal teeth. Then, she normally realized that the mouse was full of tacky bubblegum from the dollar store that looks like a midget Tootsie Roll, but it's not. It was so incredibly disgusting that Normalstar normally winced and turned a normal shade of green. She normally dashed to the normal medicine den to get some normal yarrow, but she did not make it in time. In conclusion, Normalstar normally lost her first normal life due to utter disgust.

The moral of the story is pieces of tacky bubblegum from the dollar store that look like midget Tootsie Rolls are just plain disgusting.


	5. Chapter 5: The Future Plan

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Marysuepelt was on her iPad in her room. She checked her news app to find that Normalstar had lost her first life. The gold she-cat got worried. Did this mean they could only do eight more killer stunts with Normalstar?

She bolted to the park where Garystuheart was tossing a Dorito into the Mountain Dew fountain. The chip disintegrated in the lemon-lime soda and the tosser was rewarded with several bottles of Mountain Dew. "My soda wish came true!" He cried, opening a bottle of Voltage. Suddenly, he saw Marysuepelt with her iPad.

"Garystuheart!" She cried "Did you hear the news? We can only kill Normalstar eight more times!"

When Garystuheart heard this, he immediately did a spit take. He re-absorbed the blue soda because you should NEVER waste even a sip of Mountain Dew. "So you mean that Normalstar isn't swag enough to have infinite lives like us? She only has nine lives?!" Marysuepelt nodded to confirm this. "Then what are we going to do when she's dead for real?" The two cats thought to the future to find out their future selves' plan.

Future Marysuepelt and Future Garystuheart were in the lounge, lying around. They were extremely bored due to the loss of Normalstar. It was very hot, muggy, and miserable outside. Future Garystuheart sighed. "If only we could make another Normalstar to torture…" That was when a shiny blue lightbulb lit above Future Marysuepelt's head, literally.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" She asked her fellow swag master. "Derpy piñatas?!" Future Garystuheart piped in. Marysuepelt chuckled. "NO!" She growled, sounding much like Patchy the Pirate. "We have a laboratory! Come on, let's build us a Normalstar!"

Future Bluetooth prepared the experiment chamber for use. In a few seconds, Future Garystuheart rushed in and out of the supply closet with sugar cane, cinnamon, Lucky Charms, and a black fluid. "Sugar, spice, everything nice, and Chemical X right?" He asked. "NO!" Future Marysuepelt growled again, still sounding like Patchy the Pirate and disappointing Future Garystuheart. "That's how you make Powerpuff Girls! The recipe for a female normal leader is in this book!" She pointed to a large maroon journal.

Once at the right page, Future Marysuepelt read the ingredients out loud. "A clawful of cat's fur!" Future Garystuheart clawed off a little bit of Future Bluetooth's fur, which did not take long to grow back, and shook it into the massive container. "Female Cow Juice." She continued as her partner poured in some milk. "Nine blades of grass from StarClan!" Future Marysuepelt decided to get this herself. She went through a portal to StarClan.

In StarClan, Firestar was eating grass like a cow. He mooed as he approached a cluster of nine blades. However, Future Marysuepelt stole the cluster first and put it in the chamber. Firestar was eternally scarred. After inserting the blades, they prepared to bring in the final ingredient: pure normality. The container of normality looked like a bottle of ordinary Deer Park spring water. Future Marysuepelt poured in the Deer Park— I mean — pure normality. The mixture bubbled and—

Nothing happened. "YOU GAVE US A FAULTY RECIPE YOU— CLOD!" Future Garystuheart whipped Future Bluetooth with the journal. The swag master's rage did not last long, as laziness took over. He leaned on something and accidentally broke it open. It was a container of black liquid labeled "Chemical X" and it spilled right into the Chemical forged all of the ingredients together and they created a white cat. The little brain meter TV-thingy began its rhythmic beeping. "We have a living, breathing Normalstar!" Future Garystuheart gasped.

He turned to his partner. "Marysuepelt! What does the scouter say about her normality level?!" Future Garystuheart barked. Future Marysuepelt removed her scouter eyepiece. "It's OVER 9000!" She howled as she shattered the eyepiece in her paw. "Perfect!" Her partner cried as he went over to the buttons. Future Garystuheart scavenged through the unnecessary buttons until he found the button he needed.

It was a perfectly round, neon orange button with the word "boop" on it. Future Garystuheart booped the Boop button. "Boop!" He declared. The new Normalstar was released into the camp, right before the serious deputy, Seriousfoot, could seriously start his serious journey to the normal Moonpool.

Present Marysuepelt turned to Garystuheart. "We are geniuses!" She cried. "Yes, we are!" Garystuheart winked, shortly before taking a swift sip of Mountain Dew.


	6. Chapter 6: Extremely Early Christmas

**Disclaimer: I do not own Warriors or other trademarked or copyrighted stuffs OR things.  
**

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"Twas the night before March 12th

And all through the limo

Not a creature was stirring

Not even a— whatever rhymes with limo"

There is one major flaw with this ancient Extremely Early Christmas Special rhyme. It is that every creature in the limo stirs on Extremely Early Christmas Special Eve.

Garystuheart was stringing lights around the limo. They were all in rainbow colors and there was a notable pattern in blinking lights on the outside. The lights spelled "#MLG is Swag, Normalstar is Foxdung!".

Marysuepelt was using her advanced gift wrap skills to epically cut the perfect amount of wrapping paper and coat the Secret Santa gifts with the paper. This was all with her eyes closed.

Elsafur was dashing about along with her new ginger friend, Annawhisker. She made ice stuff, snowflakes, and even a cat named Olafkit. As they sprinted around, the duo was singing songs from Disney's Frozen. While all of this preparation was happening, Bluetooth was at the mall, taking advantage of the figgy pudding free samples.

Tomorrow was going to a wonderful and extremely early celebration of the well known Christmas holiday. Everyone needed to be ready. But, there was one person who did not enjoy this rambunctious festivity: Normalstar. "It's not Christmas!" She normally growled at the festive limo, from which she normally heard loud carols. "It's March 11th! Clam down!"

Elsafur rolled down a window to reveal her cream tabby pelt flowing in the late leaf-bare breeze. She was wearing an icy dress with resemblance to the one worn by the character she was named after. "I don't care!" She sang, doing jazz paws. Marysuepelt had stopped wrapping gifts with her eyes closed and rolled down another window. "Silly Normalstar! Clamming down is for clams!" She chided "But, we have clams at SeaWorld if you want to tell 'em that!" The two cats both gave the normal leader the :P face as they rolled up their windows.

Once the swag cats were snug in their swag beds, Normalstar got a normal idea. A very normal, yet evil idea. Even more evil than ripping off How The Grinch Stole Christmas. She would normally steal their festivities while they were asleep.

Normalstar normally crept up to the limo and normally snuck in. As she normally galloped down the hall, she encountered a tiny kit. The tiny kit was looking up at Normalstar with sweet, beady, tiny kit eyes. "Aww…" Normalstar normally purred, normally feeling her normal heart normally melt. When Normalstar was normally distracted, the kit grew to her regular size. Marysuepelt was using her transformation powers to incapacitate Normalstar. She gripped Normalstar's normal white paw and judo flipped the normal leader and left her normally unconscious. The swag kitty threw Normalstar's normal limp body out of the limo and pressed a button to activate the Normalstar lock, which was placed next to the button for the similar child safety lock.

Finally, Extremely Early Christmas Special Day had arrived. Everyone's eyes popped open in excitement. They dashed to the giant snow globe room, where their presents were set.

Presents decorated the snowy floor of the globe. There were tons of colorful bow and ribbons. Each present was wrapped in wild wrapping paper. They were like enemy cats to them as they could not wait to tear into these gifts. It was all part of a Secret Santa project they had arranged, so nobody knew who gave what.

Garystuheart and his airhorn opened their presents. Technically, Garystuheart opened the present for his waifu. His wrapping was lime green like Mountain Dew and had Dorito print. There was aquamarine ribbon around the present. Inside was a wooden crate labeled "Thank you for subscribing to the Monthly #MLG Essentials Delivery Service" that was full of super swag #MLG stuff. It was filled to the gills with Mountain Dew, Doritos, shades, baseball caps, t-shirts, and more. There was even an airhorn in the corner of the crate. Garystuheart dropped the gift airhorn into the Clan's medicine den because he would NEVER betray his waifu.

Down on the ground, the tortoiseshell medicine cat, coincidentally named Medicinecat, was tending to her patients. After restocking some marigold, she padded over to a feverish queen. On her way, she stepped on the clicker of the airhorn, which had been dropped in the center. A blaring screech echoed through the den. Medicinecat and her patients' pelts all stood up on end, with the exclusion of one. "What's wrong with you?" A black elder named Batears (who was, ironically, deaf) asked, turning his head.

The cats chortled at the sight on the ground, especially at Normalstar who had normally heard the noise and normally fell into the previous normal slop in the normal dirtplace. After enjoying a long-winded laugh, it was time for the airhorn's present. The present was in shiny red paper and had thin white ribbon. Inside was a little box. "Look, waifu! It's the new airhorn cozy! As seen on TV!" Garystuheart exclaimed. Then, he gasped. The cozy was periwinkle with a tropical fruit pattern. "It matches my Snuggie!" The swag cat was now wearing a Snuggie with the exact same pattern as his waifu's new airhorn cozy. He hugged his waifu after putting the periwinkle cozy on the airhorn.

The she-cat fans of Garystuheart opened their gifts next. They were all wrapped in beach scene paper and had green bows. Muffinbelly's box contained a bundle of leaves. Crabcakes received a singing fish. Licoricetail obtained some cherry Twizzlers. Butterclaw was rewarded with several gallon jugs of Bisquick.

Garystuheart's children went next. Airhorn's gift was wrapped in shiny gold foil with bronze stripes and contained his very own airhorn that had a green grip. Applepie had her present in peach paper and it had a raspberry ribbon and it contained an EasyBake oven. The golden she-cat proceeded to make pumpkin spice muffins. Bananacream ripped into his gold and black paper to find a Tardis-like bottle of Reddi-whip. As he endlessly shot the cream into his mouth, Bouncemaster opened his lime green with brown ribbon present and discovered that is was full of cheese whales, which initiated his excitement. Fabuheart opened her identical box to the same thing. Brownsugar and Goldglitter both got a bunch of books, which they immediately began reading. Businesscase's present was his own briefcase which contained ties, colored pens, other assorted and whimsical office supplies, and on-the-go mahjong. Cheesenacho's was a build your own burrito kit. Dewmountain and Mountaindew were hyper on their highly caffeinated Mountain Dew presents. Elsafur and Annawhisker both received a whole boatload of Frozen merchandise. Bluetooth got an iPad Air. More presents were opened, yada yada yada.

Then, it was time for the feast. Everyone gathered in the fancy dining room to eat. Marysuepelt snapped her claws and the table was filled with food. There was turkey, chicken, duck, turducken, mice, cheese curls, cheese balls, cheese whales, popcorn, jelly beans, pretzel sticks, soft pretzels, toast, dry cereal, licorice, chocolate, blueberry muffins, pumpkin spice muffins, chocolate chip muffins, licorice, pancakes, waffles, Skittles, catmint, Slim Jims, cookies, brownies, beef, fruits, veggies, cornbread, cheese, figgy pudding, cinnamon rolls, holly, salad, croutons, chicken nuggets, chicken fingers, ice cream, nuts, cake, green eggs and ham, Egg McMuffins, Wheat Thins, Doritos, crackers, kittypet food, pudding, yogurt, Fig Newtons, Chef Boyardee meals, English muffins, jam, jelly, peanut butter, butter, fish, hash browns, tater tots, potatoes, baked potatoes, lollipops, Pop Tarts, shrimp, bacon, Cheez-its, potato chips, ham, bologna, hot dogs, meatballs, dinner rolls, rice, tofu, pocky, fortune cookies, bread, cottage cheese, pizza, french fries, milkshakes, assorted soda, root beer, water, sparkling water, juice, milk, slushies, and lemonade. If anything was missing, it would be automatically added.

After filling their bellies, which took a long time, they decided to give their Clan a present. The limo cats snickered as the pie present bomb crashed to the ground.


	7. Chapter 7: Fabuheart's Kits!

**DISCLAIMER: Sorry for not updating in like, what, two years? Motivation knows not me. ANYWHO- here's a year old and dead-meme ridden chapter that'll be SURE to tickle your fancy! That is, if you like dead memes.**

 **\- (I forgot how to do horizontal lines, forgive me)**

Bouncemaster bolted to the library with great news for his father. "You're a granddad, dad!" He exclaimed as Garystuheart dropped his pipe.

"Fabuheart had kits?!" Garystuheart gasped as his son nodded.

Bouncemaster led everyone into the nursery to see Fabuheart's new kits. The new mother waved her offspring forward for introduction. Bouncemaster rattled off their names. "Here's Katanakit, Animekit, Paperkit, Shakekit, Coffeekit, Sandwichkit, Comickit, Undynekit, Pumpkinkit, Cellkit, Dragonkit, Vinekit, Voicekit, Ashkit, Gangsterkit, Hipsterkit, Dancingkit, Onionkit, Piratekit, Bookkit, Ravenkit, Hermione, Bill, and Steven!"

Marysuepelt stepped forward and declared "I now bless you with randomness!" The kits were blessed with randomness and began their own adventures.

Goatmom was finally alone in her room. She was wearing a Toriel-inspired dress and starting to boot up Undertale on her Steam account. The white she-cat felt a sense of enjoyment when she played Undertale without someone breathing down her back. Goatmom thought she was alone until she felt the little taps of kit paws. She turned sharply to see a white kit and a ginger kit, Comickit and Undynekit. The Undertale-obsessed cat was about to throw the pesky kits out of her room until she realized… Comickit was dressed as Sans and Undynekit was dressed as Undyne. She immediately picked up the teeny cosplayers and snuggled them close.

Shakekit was on the newly added drama stage, holding a miniature Twoleg skull very passionately. Then, Sandwichkit stepped in.

"Do you mind?" Shakekit growled "I'm reenacting a scene from Shakespeare's Hamlet!"

"Oh, Hamlet!" Sandwichkit perked up. "Is that the one where they eat ham and cheese?" He asked, as he began to munch a ham and cheese sandwich on a hamburger roll. Shakekit slapped the sandwich out of his brother's paws. However, Sandwichkit proceeded to eat it off the ground. His brother facepawed, then continued.

Hipsterkit sat in Starbucks, casually drinking a Pumpkin Spice latte. After he finished, he teleported into the game Animal Jam, went to Captain Melville's Juice Hut and ordered a wheatgrass shot. After getting his shot, he teleported back to the limo, only to find Normalstar at the window.

"Hey, kid! Wanna join the normal side?!" She normally asked, normally wiggling the normal eyebrows she didn't have.

He lounged back in his very roomy Steve Jobs sweater.

"Nah… Too mainstream…" he purred, taking a sip of his wheatgrass juice.

"Are you sure?!" Normalstar normally begged. "I have mice!" She held up a huge and normal leaf of normal mice.

"Still too mainstream… White chocolate macadamia nut cookies are what I'm after." Hipsterkit sighed as he got on his phone to check his Google+, as Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram were too mainstream for him. Normalstar normally burned in normal anger, as she did not have the white chocolate macadamia nut cookies to normally coax the kit. Hipsterkit closed the window as he finished his shot and headed to Starbucks for another latte.

"The usual, brother?" Coffeekit, who now worked at Starbucks, asked as he readied an artisan coffee cup.

The small-sized Animekit was clinging to the legs of his larger ginger brother, Dragonkit. His black pelt was standing slightly on end.

"Dragonkit, play Sailor Mew Monopoly with me!" Animekit whimpered.

Dragonkit tried to trudge away, but could not get his brother's grip released. "Two things. One, I'm busy. And two, Sailor Mew is for girls."

"It's not! It's unisex programming!" Animekit whined. "Also, you don't look busy!"

The ginger kit began to sweat. He had said he was busy to get his brother off of his tail, but the guise had been seen through. "Uh… I am busy… watching anime with you!"

Dragonkit spoke to the Fire TV in the TV Room. "Oh, Magic TV! Put on some Sailor Mew!"

The TV immediately put on Animekit's favorite anime. The small kit leaped onto the plushy sofa and his brother joined him.

That was when two of Animekit and Dragonkit's siblings popped up and demanded control of the TV. The golden dapper kit, Bill, wanted to watch Gravity Falls. The hazel kit wearing a red star shirt, Steven, wanted to watch Steven Universe.

Sailor Mew paused and Animekit began to grip the top of the sofa with his claws. At that moment, Bill and Steven realized‒ they messed up.

The little black kit let out an echoing yowl. His black pelt turned gold and a matching aura surrounded him.

"You'd better apologize to Animekit. He's become the legendary Super Kitten!" Dragonkit exclaimed.

Bill and Steven began whimpering for their lives. "We're sorry, Animekit! We'll do what you want!"

"Then watch Sailor Mew with me." Animekit declared.

The two cats were forced into the bondage of watching the anime as the Super Kitten Animekit looked upon his favorite magical she-cats with glee.

The exuberant gray she-cat, Ashkit, wore a backwards red and white baseball cap and a blue jacket. In her paw she held a shiny Pokeball. She was doing epic trainer poses in the mirror of her room (The kits all have rooms now, you got a problem with that?) when her brother, Katanakit, walked in.

Ashkit, thinking Katanakit was a Pokemon, tossed her Pokeball at her brother's head. "Gotta catch 'em all!" she mewled.

When she realized what she threw her ball at was not a Pokemon, it was too late. Katanakit was upset that the object had slammed into his face. The cap and saddle tom grumbled. "Don't throw that at me again or I will slice it in half with my katanas." He motioned to twin samurai swords fastened to the black patch on his back.

Ashkit began to sweat. "Okay, Katanakit. I'll be more careful!" She proceeded to pick up a smartphone and play Pokemon Go while singing the "I Play Pokemon Go Everyday" song.

Cellkit was wearing a black turtleneck sweater and performing in a box-like room with several flashing colors on the walls. He was singing Drake's "Hotline Bling", but with his own personal edits to the lyrics.

"You used to call me on my cell phone. Now, you call me on my home phone." The hazel kit sang.

As Cellkit sang his song, he mimicked Drake's movements from the musical video, but in a quadrupedal way. He kicked out his front and back paws to correspond with the dance until the soundtrack ended.

From inside the recording booth, Voicekit pushed a maroon button. The flashing colors in the box faded into white.

"Great work, Cellkit!" Voicekit gave a thumbs up. "That was a lovely impersonation of Drake!"

Cellkit bowed. "Why thank you! I couldn't have done it without my dance teacher, Dancekit!"

Voicekit looked behind her. There was a white kit, Dancekit, mimicking the "SpiderMan Dances to Everything" gif while the Annoying Dog Theme from Undertale played.

"Wow, it really does work with everything!" Both kits agreed.

Piratekit was hanging out with his new friend, Robbiewhisker, in the Virtual Reality room, which simulated the world of the television program, LazyTown.

The two had been singing memorable songs from the show. They were finishing singing the song "You are a Pirate".

"You are a pirate!" The cats sang.

After their song, Robbiewhisker had another suggestion for a song. "Let's sing 'We are Number One' next!"

The two cats agreed. Suddenly, a cream tom with a blue sports jacket and a matching beanie burst in between them and immediately ran away.

"Curse that Sportacusfur!" Robbiewhisker yowled.

Hermione and Bookkit sat in the library.

"So…" Hermione tried to make conversation.

"Yeah…" Bookkit seemed to be in an awkward situation as well.

They began staring at each other, looking for the perfect moment to be random.

"Let's write Humor genre fanfiction!" Paperkit popped up from behind them. She was wearing an origami hat made out of a newspaper from the library's dispenser (which was rarely used due to the impact of smart devices in the Warriors world).

"Yes!" The three she-cats meowed, immediately pulling out laptops to write fanfiction.

"Well, we have a very interesting little litter of kits." Fabuheart told her husbando as Shakekit finished his Hamlet performance with a bow.

"And I'm glad to be their father." Bouncemaster replied.

"Oh, you…" the fabu she-cat flirted. The two lovers began licking each other passionately.

Their romance was cut short when Garystuheart got an idea. "We need to make them full warriors! To the juice hut!"

Garystuheart magically clicked his claws, giving everyone in the limo a mental message to come to the juice hut for the ceremony.

They all arrived in 12.34567890 seconds. Bouncemaster inhaled the air. "Ah! Reminds me of my warrior ceremony…"

Garystuheart stood at the podium with Marysuepelt and Bouncemaster and his waifu flanked each side of it.

"We're so proud of you, little kits!" Fabuheart gushed.

"Okay kits! Gather into groups of four based on the list on the clipboard over there!" Marysuepelt explained as she pointed to a clipboard hanging from a pole.

The kits were obedient. They divided into six groups.

The first group, composed of Animekit, Ashkit, Bill, and Bookkit went up. Garystuheart waved his warrior wand. "I pronounce you Animeheart, Ashketchum, Bill Cipher, and Bookworm."

Group two contained Cellkit, Coffeekit, Comickit, and Dancingkit, who were named Cellphone Coffeemate, Comicsans, and Dancingdog. Dragonkit, Gangsterkit, Hermione, and Hipsterkit became Dragonball, Gangsterrap, Hermione Granger, and Hipstersweater. Katanablade, Onionsan, Papercraft, and Pirateeye came from the fourth group. Sandwichkit and Shakekit didn't want to grouped with each other after the incident on the drama stage, but they willingly became Sandwichbread and Shakespeare. The other two kits in the group were Pumpkinkit and Ravenkit, who became Pumpkinspice and Ravenfeather. The final group, made up of Steven, Undynekit, Vinekit, and Voicekit, walked up to their grandfather's podium. They became Steven Universe, Undynefish, Vineswing, and Voicebox.

They were about to be dismissed when the Doctor Who cats padded up.

"What about us?" Tardispaw asked. "We've been the same rank for the entire story so far!"

Marysuepelt whispered in Garystuheart's ear. "You mean to tell me that we forgot about the Doctor Who crew for five whole chapters?"

Garystuheart whispered back. "I guess that would be the case. We have to warrior-ize them."

The calico tom pounded a gavel for order. "The ceremony is not over yet! We have fourteen more cats to make warriors!"

Bluetooth was the only one who groaned at the large number. He wanted to get to the snacks.

"First, we shall name our two apprentices. Rosepaw, Tardispaw, do you yada yada yada warrior code yada yada upholding yada yada contract yada yada- you get the gist!"

"We do Garystuheart-sama." the apprentices said in unison.

Garystuheart blushed at being given the highest honorific. "Okay, I pronounce you two Rosequartz and Tardistech."

Rosequartz and Tardistech paw-bumped each other as their twelve younger brothers padded up.

"Okay, little kitties. Since I can't think of any good suffixes for you names, I will give you unique new names."

The Doctor kits cheered. They enjoyed being special.

"Okay, first is 1stDoctorkit. I shall name you William Hartnell."

William led 2ndDoctorkit up, who was named Patrick Troughton. After Patrick came 3rdDoctorkit, who became Jon Pertwee. Then, 4thDoctorkit was named Tom Baker.

Several Doctor cats later, they were all named after the actors who played their corresponding Doctors and Bluetooth made it to the snack bar.


End file.
